the journal

david @ rh_circles

Archive for April 2011

Down to the core

with 11 comments

is how I would like to be changed.  With all of my planning and connecting the dots, I find myself insufficient to face the future alone.  Like Joseph, I want to be transformed, living in the favor of God, that He may become greater, and that I might become less.  So many times I find myself trying to predict the future, imagining how my life will turn out, rather than trusting the Lord and taking every moment to listen to His voice.

That evening when we discussed how Joseph came to see his dream realized, standing before his brothers that bowed before him- the flash of memories at that moment must have reminded him of God’s faithfulness in his life.  And then came the weeping.  For some reason, that night I felt as though I had deeply wronged God, as though I had hurt a close and faithful friend.  I can’t understand or explain it completely, but I know part of the reason is that with all of the faithfulness that God had shown me in my life, I still didn’t “get” him.  I know we can’t ever figure him out, but I felt as though I didn’t even know this person, the one who loved me and gave himself for me.

Down to the core is how I would like to be changed.  I find myself so self-centered, so concerned about what I think, what I know, and what I am doing.  And it’s not even about materialistic things.  So much of my treasure lies in the accumulation of knowledge and whether I have an opinion about this or that.  And it’s not even about having those “fear-of-missing-out” moments.  I want to let go of even those experiences, if it will result in my own self-indulgence.  Friends are important, and awesome experiences in life are important, too.  But so is God, and infinitely more.  I want to stop living, and let Christ live in me.  I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

Advertisements

Written by David

April 9, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Posted in Circles